27 February 2013

You Don't Know Me

when a child learns to walk... unknowingly to many... the details of the steps she makes and takes... when an artist finds a medium of how to scream everything inside out- and into her art.

My emo child Diana Graffius asked me last week- did you cry a lot in ballet? When you danced?

I straight faced said oh god NO! I play to WIN at first... but then I cracked my shell and said no emo... I cried every moment when it meant something in my heart. I have a lot of heart- Sam Bartman a dear friend said to me once- your heart is so big bella I can see it beating out of your chest sometimes...

I leave it all on the stage, every ounce every bit that I have, and tell you it all- and my favorite way is without me having to utter one word. We're showing you... you obviously don't know me at all... you don't. but how will you ever know if you do not ask? assume assholes I don't care. cuffs of metal and cuffs of love...

the reality when ones mentality commences the police's brutality...

ya- I can't take that all in yet. my wrists are still a bit sore. and am grateful the German stopped you Bailey from getting out your tazer gun... the "drugs" she's on- hahaha as the mockery of what hours that felt looming into years there were that the nightmare I attempted to shake myself awake as I was held and am empty ghost crying in my father's arms... bipolarity is trending worldwide.. remember when we lost Katrina? Katrina Sarkissian died in police custody when we were 15... not being given medical attention for her seizure- druggy they shrugged off my beautiful Kat... maybe I'm still alive to not only sue the fuck out of you LAPD (if BSJ sued the Chinese government (ok no jazzie they just own that company blah blah- whatever dad you had them in police custody when they oops stepped back onto American soil and you won)... I'm not afraid and I'm certainly not ashamed. That has taken a long time. the only thing that matters is the art.,

so make it about the art

and only about the art

your world of reality is a brutality an artist- this artist. ME. it's quenching what breath is left in the flesh that still hangs on... education for the beauty art brings... and allowing me, to have worked so hard- what I DESERVE.,.. the chance to create my art.. the pictures in my head to come to life. maybe we can save more lives... instead of destroying them,

we can kids,, we can... and  we will. you know it too drewsel

Xx bella
bruised.. but not broken.

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