yesterday while I thought I would shut everyone up and swiped my new comfortable black for a deep Nars red instead... Hudson looks at me and says "you're really into death. I get it- your mom..." I paused and nodded... "ya I really am... why are you scared by it? there's almost something beautiful about it.. and I'm trying to see and starting to see that beautiful death now.." maybe it's a part of "the process" as it's deemed... in my own understanding and internal tumultuous and turbulant ride I've been on since April 30th of 2007... but it's inspired the living fuck out of me for this new editorial I'm obsessed with- and crossing my fingers the photographer that I've toyed the idea with- wants to make it happen... and get just the right publication who wants to glorify this story I have in my head with the pictures... the ones I love to set up and create the characters in... and tell my story... and my new one is inspired by the stunning old church my dad and I stumbled upon on fa-mothers day in Pasadena... this old gothic church... which is connected to a mortuary... covered in vines and made of brick with the great catheral ceilings and ivy covered garden walls... do you know how to tell if somewhere is a mortuary? there's a steeple at the top...
this inspired the idea for my new editorial... I want her to get married there... and the day she loves- is the day she dies... and it will be a beautiful wedding with a beautiful death.. the perfect ironic dichtomy.. what I live for- because it is what I am... I know when it's my time... I can only hope to watch the fashion artistic and beautiful interpretation my death will be... I want to make hers... my bride and casket to be's magical... and it's ok that I may creep you out- or give you a little spook like it's halloween... because guess what?
boos are just ghosts applauding....
HAPPY HALLOWEEN FUCKERS
Xx bella
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