fashion.monster

24 August 2013

...childs.play...





when looking at the 15 minutes that... didn't showcase why my art is dark.
why my safe zone is my sense of artificiality =- is a resilience in every bone of my being... your first impression on a national PLAtFORM?!
The disappointment I've felt to where I'm just disappointed in you. all of you... My resilience of TWO years has been because to "speak Jazzie"... fuck off I'm not that dark intense creature whatsoever until it's triggered by my art... which is having the visual images in my head... come together- and it's a high... that has no words I can even pretend to utilize the3 feeling... It's a sigh of relief...

a demon you've faced, stared at- dug into, dove into- let it hurt you, make you cry as you wonder why...

The attempts to articulate my INTENT for my personal... my stories.. MINE- that each one I do... I essentially get to "purge" that demon... what the others won't publish- FLESH will... the stories that are say no- WE WANT it... because what I stand for... what I stand and stamp hashtag the living fuck about babydoll... about "it"... to buy it?..


A child called it...

my god- I thought that stopped when she left at 7 or 8..., I'm Jazzie, not an "it"... no it started with a narcissistic waste of flesh tagging me so.. I thought it would have stopped at some point... but no... at 17... fuck even the respect of even acknowledge me as a living entity. I was number 128.. paying exorbent amount to you Logan River Academy. Your five figure monthly your "child will be fixed bullshit sold in the name of God-- Mormons.. no. no no no no...

more painful than the removals restarts and the scars in my knees that yes I wear black tights every fucking day and thank God one of their other level 5 lockdowns got shut down for their inhumane... three kids died in less than one year. I've survived all of this so far these tiny little yes- that's real and I'm not afraid to say it, because it's honest. and I can only hope that my honesty encourages the kids.. MY kids (NO VOICING OVER I'M DIFFICULT TO WORK WITH YOU DUMBASSES THAT'S REAL LIKABLE AND IS GOING TO HAVE PEOPLE BANGING ON DOORS ALLDAY... NO NO and again.. NO


and my God what a cutsey Breach of contract.. that's coming Monday with the team and I into that fucking style network meeting because that's only one side to me.. and hiring bullshit facades of pretending to be (essentially as I find out as I'm barely swimming solo in the storm of returns...)



HEY JON BEN- FUCK YOU

HANNAH- FUCK YOU HARDER.



There are times when a woman needs to shut the fuck up- and yes, I could work on that. But do I choose to? Is it really that scary to be honest? Do i have to be full of shit?... no. I won't, because you didn't see, incorporate WHY??? and NO the fucking "FREE LABOR" you tried over and over with huge headphones for me to say and my kick in the face NO'S... WERE BECAUSE THAT'S NOT MY StATEMENT, NOT WHAT THE FUCK I STAND BY AS SOMEONE WHOM IS A HUGE COMPLIMENT WHEN THEY WANT TO LEARN FROM ME... NO.

"everything you say is a statement"


I DIDNT SAY A TON OF THAT SHIT...

THAT MOOD WAS TWO YEARS AGO...


yes drew, I needed and begged for my hand to be held this entire time. CHRIST those are the "good Jazzie days"... I KNEW and was BEYOND MOTHER FUCKING VOCAL ABOUT THOSE IN THE PANIC ROOM.. geminis terrify me... and has yet to stop.

Esther- bad girls club on your resume? and a 30 minute bullshit sitting and having a cocktail with you three... took them two years- you could capture and speak jazzie in less than 48 hours? besides being the Queen of Siam-- million dollar baby... you juggled too much. I understand and have blood running down my mouth from biting my tongue all week.. how weak to not look me in my eyes...

how hurtful
how and why I should have stuck to the NO

NO!!!
FUCK OFF NOOOO's for this 10 years of this chase... if you only knew. tool time- fuck that is something I am owed and letting be known. you all want me when you only need me- k got that part... but I kept not saying but finally SCREAMING the essential what the fuck I NEED what is REAL with this shit- no red carpet cracker ass selling to SELL the same shit that's just a different sell... creating haunting- ingrained... visual imagery.. kids tearing photos of my work out of magazines on their walls as inspiration... call me crazy but that's... that's an honor to the bear thought...

You underestimated... didn't obsessively learn about my social behaviors and my step into a space... the more contrived... the more I hide.
      Why it's ironic to the one you call demonic is because I'm an over empathetic bleeding heart fucking all of that shit artist... and I have A LOT of material to work with.. so when I put my work in that fearless THIS IS MY TRUTH HOW I FEEL AND I WANT TO TELL YOU THIS STORY USING PICTURES... relate it to you if it will and can bring.. the sigh of relief..

we don't think out of some mother fucking box because... As Jim Staret stated... Jazzie you just never knew there was one.. did you?

we run full throttle go big or get the fuck out of our way. we're fearless. we jump- we just have faith and belief in our work... our belief...

that festering concept and that feeling inside of you.. where your healthy "release" is used as artists. But one thing is clear bringing the clarity of an E class diamond to shame... is their awareness of HOW much I gave up... HOW THE FUCK MUCH I GAVE UP FOLLOWING MY DREAM. so is it coming true?

call me weird, crazy, creepy- I've been called worse... but you're insane to underesimate... I always get what I want.. and I am tenacious to a fault that I don't give a shit about myself when my art is coming alive... tangible- when the white sheep get their a-ha!! NOW i get it...


from point A to D... let me C when you get to D so I can go back and read you the mother fucking book..

fashion forward. ha. no

fashion FAST foreward.... yes. use the word "avant-garde" it makes them feel better...


I know and believe I can= I'm amused beyond belief- 6 months to even CONSIDER this... "network" god dammit how adament... and my trust is ... DON'T YOU DARE HINDSIGHT SHIT... I risked way more than you may ever know or feel... but it's because of Sam and Maisie... I said yes. you promised to hold my hand. you filled your plate to an extent that this "it" the work- Christ ... breach contracts bullshit heart attacks. IF I HAVE TO GET IT MYSELF THEY WILL SeE FLESH WANT IT AND BUY IT...


that's a pang in an artists heart when they realize... people are products so never sell yourself short or cheap baby... don't worry Mommy... I never did. They just couldn't do it...

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